pro-choice

the votes have been tallied. the panel has spoken: christmas sucks.

as a child, the holidays held a great deal of promise. it was simple. it held promise because it was simple. open a gift, steal a shot of vodka egg nog, watch a christmas story. repeat ad infinitum nauseam.

you make the transition to young adult and learn the fulfillment of giving…the expression on someone’s face when they know you think enough of them, think often enough of them to stop. to wrap. to give. f@^king sweet! handwriting christmas cards, helping clear the table after dinner, leaving early enough that eye never wear-out my welcome? love it. mistletoe, auld lang syne all day long. we’re all gods children.

this adult, adult christmas $h!t however, eye most certainly would have aborted if id known what a treacherous little bastard he’d grow up 2 be. friends and family and spouses in tow. they stay @ my house. they sleep in my beds and eat all my food and sit on my couch. and no room is quiet, no square foot unused for thinking or working, no harmony here, just 2 many dudes and their b@%ches, their children, the dishes, the laundry, eyem utterly f@^king sick of this s*#t!

who uses all four weeks of their vacation time @ once and stays in somebody else’s house? no, seriously. you know how many times eyeve been 2 the market? how many fillets eyeve stuffed? pancakes eyeve flipped? you know how many times eye read green eggs and ham? and how the f^#k do you fail 2 potty-train a five year old!? @ what point do you consider yourself a failure as a parent?

and did any of these tablet-of-heathen-writing-b@%ches so much as offer me a hand job? no. get down on their knees, eyes closed, mouthes open just as a metaphorical sign of respect when eye walked in the room? strikes two and three.

christmas is officially up for adoption and next year everybody’s getting condoms.

~ by abnegation on January 26, 2009.