ha!
open windows
the heat was other worldly
july humidity hides everywhere
bleak and listless
it corrupts everything.
the street lined with 4 bedroom prisons
people trapped inside
slaves
2 the air conditioning units in their windows
eye almost
lose myself 2 the soft hum of the machines
when eye see her
she stands completely nude
sweaty all over despite the cold
graceful neck
rolling hips
a glimpse of the most magnificent ass before she
sits back in the chair under the jet stream
moist from something
maybe not the heat
but something
waiting for someone?
thinking of being touched by him
wanting the sweat 2 pool in her navel
so it sticks like paste between them
the longing
the long weeks since he’s fulfilled her,
his presence eye mean
no other pun intended
she may not be that kind of woman, eye think
until her fingers sink from my vision
her knee rises above the sill
she shifts
and the cold air constricts everything eye can
see through the window….
the change in her breathing
eye hear a faint hum
above the one from the air conditioners
and eye can feel her fingers
questing
probing
wiping away my writer’s block
my sickness, and
circling my desperation
and taking all the gray in my life
my shattered existence, its
shallow edges worn
rubbed smooth by tragedy
and shoving them
in2 the 180 degrees of color
of unison
between our open windows
beat the skin (thank you Drunk, Blonde and Armed!)
eye beat the skin
wallow so long in what isn’t
a score of sunsets of can’t find, of
questions
that seize so much room
there isn’t any space left…
not 2 paint
not 2 write
my guitar empty
squinting eyes looking for love and happiness
in every place eyell never find it, but
20/80
only catches images transient as a shadow…
it can’t read love 2 the 9s
and that’s truth.
you give it
they take it away
make you weak
make you feel lonely in different places, they
keep you offended by honesty
keep you negligent
indecisive
and hence
and spent
a score of sunrises
afraid 2 face myself, simply
2 disorderly 2 stretch it out
before eye tore it wide
.
.
eye wont make that mistake again
never enough
it was enough
2 run my agenda through your hair
once
all you needed was room
a moment of
loving you 2 silence knowing if its right
it was enough that
2 your page eye came
2 spend my borrowed
or my stolen time but
nothing stays the same
what
you wanted was something
above the stillness and the alert
a bed of sorcery
swirls of heat and indiscretion
a kiss
a taste of what you’ve been missing
for as long as you could remember
over the constant hissing of water in the shower
me 2 remind you
there remains yet something of
honor and pride of life
…it is you
its been you all the time!
that
is what you wanted
and eye
was never enough
scar
love
eye always said eye
loved
and portrayed myself so innocently
eye
forced the depth
of the world 2 revolve around us
but—
what makes you a real lover?
Trust.
and without
the subtle shifts were imperceptible
2 my weak sense of intuition
and eye discovered
eye can’t uncover
a faith more spiritual
through a touch that’s only human
so
eye
left you
the threads of fate
that night
you should have been @ home
that night
kneaded or deprivation or
whatever
you should have been alone
youve been acting up
and telling everyone you were grown,
telling you were ready for that love
found in your wildest dreams
then tell me
you lie like a rug,
was lain
as a whore and want me 2 forgive
the web youve spun of
deceit
the last 2 many months
…and just so you know
it isnt 2 much 2 let go of
eye CAN release it,
although…
eye
probably
wont
MY umi says:
once the threads of fate have been tangled
they just cannot be undone
the resurrection
nothing else mattered
she was perfect
exquisite
and never in life had eye felt such
strength
dizziness
everything was so far away
a vague resemblance of the room
configuration of the furniture…
labored breaths
nothing more real than this
woman
moment
eye caressed her face
her delicate ear
eye touched the place
where the silver ring pierced it
and it was perfect
“yes, perfect”
she said
and pulled @ my buckle
she pushed it d
o
w
n and lifted her skirt
her skin was hot
eye slid inside of her
1st time
the heat
the pressure
the tight sheath
eye felt her shivering and
trying 2 push her hips against me
eye looked down @
her palms against my stomach
the cradle of woman holding me
and something inside broke
a fire raged in the back of my head
she jerked forward
legs scissoring my waist
arms around my neck
and eye flooded in2 her
both of us dying
falling in2 numbness,
the faint smell of smoke
everything (for Penelope)
seven
days after introduction
eye had been loving you all my life
years
we haven’t spoken
and eyem tormented
eye still can’t stop writing poetry about
you
were
one of those romances
made for a cold shower
the weight of your body
my back against your fingertips
the hours we spent inside each other
and now eye have 2 live
what you feel like through my memory only…
the specifically formulated shampoo
lovely grey eyes
there’s so much but
when eye speak truth
eye say next 2 nothing so
eye.
loved.
you.
everything
and can only relive the loss…
before eye could wipe away the wetness
us being always on and connected
you were gone and eye have yet
2 close the chapter
despite how it looked on paper
eyem left with the apparitionlike suddenness
with which you disappeared 2 your home
2 your husband
and with the sunsets
and wine
and heat that still dances in my blood
eye sometimes fight salting over
all the sweetness eye drank from you
but came 2 understand
the man who does not fill
his world with phantoms
will always be alone…
eye miss you
more than everything
eye am hopelessly devoted 2 you still
let him speak
are you listening?
she was Eve….
large devouring eyes
a glamorous starlet
my
self-fulfilling obsession
every school boys fantasy
eye remember her
new 2 love
naïve and delicate frailty
trapped by environmental circumstance
batting eyelashes
coy and sweet
garlic toast @ midnight
the laughter shared
brought tension between us
the kiss
brief and
completely devastating…
how we shouldn’t
how you wanted 2 wait
lips whispering
“no”
body
opening 2 me the virgin door
and you said eye would be yours forever
do you hear me?
do you remember me
diving head first in2 the depth of you?
the rhythm
exposed before each other
the wetness that saturated us in ways
none
could deny
the
breakfasts in bed
friend
my lover
drowning in the affair of a lifetime
eye am your One
and now eye hear someone speak your name…
has forever come and gone?
my eyes closed
for days or years
eye should wake up
with the hollow of wishing you were real
instead of make believe
instead of a fantasy that shows herself only when eye am…
heat displacement
something
about the way he looks @ her
these rivits of fire
this flame
and she has no defense against it
splits her down the middle like a scythe
all the blood drains from
her heart 2 the floor
he cuts away all those pieces that died
a little
every day they didnt speak 2 each other
and eye wonder what kind of hold
he has over her…
if he has any control over it @ all
maybe
its this secret only her mother knows
some shrill incident from preschool
the reason she always falls in love
with every man that looks like he does
and doesnt know why,
only her mother remembers
eye can feel her thoughts
how overwhelmed she is
with all the promise of him
how badly she wants 2 think him
2 love him
f%#k him
fight with him
2 bury his shame
and disappointments in her heart
there is this reflection
of his soul in her eyes when she tells him
her life
and her bed
shes been sharing with another
and she cant stand 2 go on lying 2 him
